Along with revising history to suit our needs, we are remaking the definitions of several commonly used terms:
CEO -Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.
Thanks to Mirela Monte of Myrtle Beach, SC for this gem.
And a couple famous (or should be) quotes of the day.
Lord, the money we spend on government, and it’s not one bit better than the government that we got for one-third the money twenty years ago! Will Rogers
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? Peg Bracken
If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see it with representation! Rush Limbaugh